As you sit at home with your family on
Christmas Eve, watching Miracle on 34th Street or wrapping
your last few presents, there's a father out there who won't get to
see his kid tomorrow. Sure, he
put up the old Christmas tree given to him by a friend when they no
longer needed it; he even put on the lights and ornaments
purchased from a neighbor's garage sale. He scraped together what
little money he had left after child support and other bills were
paid, then skipped enough meals so that he could afford to buy a few
small toys for that little boy or girl; just in case their mother had
a sudden change in heart and let them come over.
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He
begrudgingly picks up the court papers, hastily signed by some judge
who never even met him. These papers supposedly granting him the
“right” to be a father to his own kid for a few hours every other
weekend and on some holidays; essentially robbing him of the right to
be a full-time parent. All of this just because his ex decided to
leave him for someone else with more earning potential. Re-reading
the rambling legal terminology, copied and pasted from some other
poor soul's orders, he searches for the heading of the section
pertaining to Christmas visitation. Even though he has read it
hundreds of times and could probably recite it word
for word in his sleep, he reads it one more time to make sure
of the time he's supposed to meet his ex tomorrow to get his child.
At this point, after so many denied
visitations, he has all but lost hope of seeing that son or daughter
again, much less on Christmas. But regardless, he trudges through the
same routine he follows every evening before one of his court-ordered
exchanges. After reading
the court papers, he places them on the kitchen counter next to the
door, along with the voice recorder he uses to document everything
after his ex had accused him of hitting her at a previous exchange.
He does the math in his head again, to make sure of exactly
how much gas he needs tomorrow for the 73 mile drive to meet his ex
for the exchange. He has a quick passing thought of how many
meals he will have to skip next week in order to afford the gas for
the drive, but he knows this will only depress him more. Now all
that's left is to try and distract himself from the anxiety of
tomorrow so he can get some sleep.
The next morning, waking up from
tossing and turning on the couch most of the night, he readies
himself for the one hour and 18 minute drive by getting dressed and
popping one of those magic little pills given to him by his doctor to
“make it a little easier to handle life.” Even though the pills
don't seem to help, he was strongly
cautioned against suddenly quitting. And frankly, he was a
little scared to find out just how bad things might really be if he
was already this depressed while taking the pills.
Unable to find any music that doesn't
give him flashbacks to the last time he saw his child, he drives in
silence; rehearsing in his head what he will say to the police
officer when he calls to report that once again he is being denied
his court ordered visitation. Knowing that even though his ex is
breaking the law by refusing to allow him to see his child, it's
unlikely the officer will want to do anything about it. At this
point, considering his mental state, he just hopes he can make it
through telling the officer his story and get back to his car before
breaking down in tears.
Finally arriving at the house where
his ex and his child live with her newest lover, he immediately
notices the driveway is empty. Hoping for a miracle, he turns
on the voice recorder, walks toward the house and rings the doorbell.
Maybe this year will be different.
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Sadly, this is the life of many parents
in America. Just because the relationship with their child's other
parent didn't work out, for no wrong of their own, they are suddenly
reduced to an every other weekend parent. A large amount of their
income is then ordered to be redistributed to the other parent as
“child support”, often rendering them unable to even pay their
most basic bills, and certainly unable to afford the expense of
taking that other parent back to court to fight for more time with
their child.
Then just as they are beginning to
recover, suddenly that other parent refuses to allow even the minimal
time ordered by the judge in their custody papers. Many of these
alienating parents, in an attempt to gain an upper hand in court,
resort to false allegations of domestic violence and abuse both
against them and against the child. Some of these parents end up in
jail; either for false allegations or their inability to pay child
support. Some of these parents just give up and walk away because the
pain and helplessness is just too much to handle.
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