About this time last year, when I first
began writing and designing my blog, I did so with the intention of
tackling controversial topics that other people might not be eager or
able to write about. I wanted to say the things that many others were
thinking, but no one else was willing to say. In the beginning, my
plan was to not even tell my friends and family that I was the one
writing the articles, so that I could protect myself behind a mask of
anonymity, without fear of personal attacks or judgment. What I
didn't realize at that point however, is that without the support of
your friends and family; people who will read your articles even if
they suck, it is next to impossible to increase the readership of
your blog. So begrudgingly, I revealed to my family and social media
friends that I was the author, in order to grow my page.
In some ways, I regret it. I sometimes
wish I had remained anonymous so that I could truly speak my mind
with no fear of repercussions. But at the same time, I believe it has
in some ways helped me personally to grow and face my fears of
condemnation. The first time I posted an article that made reference
to sex, I must have sat there with my finger hovering above the
button on my mouse for 20 minutes, debating whether to hit “publish”,
worrying about who would read it and how they might judge me for it.
But in the end, I decided that I shouldn't be worried about their
opinions as long as I am being honest. Sure, I've offended some
people. And out of the 10+ articles I've posted, and almost 3,500
page views, I can count on one hand how many times my family members
have actually shared my posts, but it's okay. I didn't start my blog
to make friends or to make people feel warm and fuzzy. I created my
blog to help initiate the difficult conversations that make people
uncomfortable in this world that is offended by everything.
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When the headlines began surfacing
Friday about the leaked conversation in which Donald Trump discussed
sexual acts and what could only be described by some as deviant
predatory behavior, my first instinct was to avoid it altogether. I
told myself that nothing would be gained by taking either side or
even acknowledging the situation. But then I realized this was a
prime example of why I started my blog. If I took the easy way out
and just ignored the headlines, I would be denying myself and
therefore, letting my readers down.
Over the last few months of this
“Presidential” election season, I have learned that any time I
see a new post on social media about either candidate supposedly
saying or doing something shocking that could disrupt their race to
the oval office, I should first just ignore it. Since roughly 90% of
what is posted is nothing more than click bait, or completely
fabricated propaganda being put out by the other side, just hoping
that some poor unintelligent soul will read only that article and
nothing else before making the decision of who to vote for. And as
sad as it may be, this probably is not a terrible approach,
considering how stupid the majority of our country has become. Our
media outlets are so corrupt and biased, and the average low
information voter is so quick to form an opinion and take a side,
based on nothing more than something they heard on the news or read
on Facebook. Most people do this without even considering taking a
minute to verify the facts.
So when I saw the first few posts
Friday about the overheard lewd conversation from 2005 between Donald
Trump and Billy Bush, my
first reaction was to ignore it; assuming it was just another made up
story, or exaggerated opinion of something that might or might not
have actually taken place. Conveniently, just now discovered and made
public a month before election day, and 2 days before the next debate. As time went on however, it
became apparent that regardless of the advantageous timing of this
coming to light, it seemed to be true.
What really blew me away, more than the
fact that Trump had apparently said these words, was how quickly
other men, especially elected politicians, publicly condemned him and
distanced themselves from him. The uncomfortable truth here, or the
elephant in the room, is that I would bet the money in my wallet that
the majority of those men, who were all once young dumb “invincible”
college students, fraternity members and well-off ivy league types,
have undoubtedly made similar comments
in private, when they thought
the conversation would stay in the room. Many of these men, much like
Trump, knew that no matter what they did, Daddy would be there with
his bank account and influence to bail them out, or to make sure
their name was never seen in a news story if they got drunk and did
something stupid. But how many of these men could have their careers,
marriages and lives ruined by nothing more than having a previously
buried and forgotten video from college come to light? My guess, is
quite a few! However, since they are not the one in this video who is
making inappropriate comments, they are going to say a little prayer
and bet on video evidence of their prior indiscretions never
surfacing. While this might be appealing to their constituents, every
one of these men has now successfully condemned themselves if they
are ever unlucky enough to have some dirty laundry from their past
show up at the most inopportune time.
Several people I have spoken to about
this situation, especially those who are a few years younger than me,
have expressed just how appalled they are that anyone would think
they could say those words and get away with it. And I get it! These
days, I have to assume that anything I ever say or do is going to
follow me for the rest of my life. The words I write in this article,
could very well be used against me in years to come by a potential
employer, or even by a future spouse. Because in this age of
information, you can find out anything about anyone. These days, we
are surrounded by technology. So even if there is not video, audio,
or photographic evidence of you saying or doing something offensive,
whether you did it or not, it is relatively easy to track down
someone from your past who is willing to say (for the right price)
that you did it. At that point, it is solely up to the media to
determine if convicting you without a trial would in some way
increase their number of followers.
Looking back to 2005, when the
Trump-Bush video was recorded, it was a big year for me. I was a
Junior in college, a manager at Blockbuster Video, and I had just
joined my fraternity. I had my first serious girlfriend, a
top-of-the-line flip phone, and Facebook still required you to have a
college (.edu) email address to be a member. Twitter and Instagram
hadn't been created yet, and Myspace, while still being the most
prominent social media platform, did not require you to use your real
name. Perhaps most importantly, in 2005, because social media was not yet what it has become today, people were not as aware of the potential that something they said or did could get posted, shared and then seen by millions of people around the world.
So much has changed in those 11 years;
not just technology. Social media has changed everything; especially
any expectation of privacy we might have once had. When I was
in college, I was that weird kid who always had my camera with me. So
while I'm one of the few people in my circle of friends who has
thousands of pictures from parties and other various school events, I
have also had several friends contact me years later, asking me to
delete or “lose” any pictures I might have of them doing anything
embarrassing, because they decided to go into education or law
enforcement and didn't want anything to show up that might tarnish
their character.
When you're in college, you think
you're invincible. You drive too fast, drink too much, and say things
you don't mean. And yes, when its just you and your closest friends,
and you think the
This doesn't make it okay by any
stretch of the imagination, but just because someone took part in
those conversations, it does not automatically mean they are a
misogynist, a sexual deviant, or a predator. Actually quite the
contrary. For the most part, the men I'm telling you about are all
devoted husbands, loving fathers and just generally good, honorable,
respectful people. And women, don't try to act like you don't have
the same conversations on your girls night out. Trust me, some of the
most offensive and predator-like sexual comments I've ever heard,
came from women. They might not be as common or rampant, but you
ladies are not by any means above reproach.
It never occurs to you when you're a
young college kid that years down the road, those pictures of you
doing a keg stand, or taking a beer bong, or going skinny dipping,
might surface and ruin your life. Much less that a recording of some
private, slightly intoxicated conversation could show up just in time
to ruin your chances of being elected to a political office. Your
biggest fear is getting caught and arrested for underage drinking, or
driving under the influence. When really it should be the fear of
injuring or killing yourself or someone else, or doing anything that
has long term consequences that might follow you the rest of your
life.
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I realize the majority of this article
has discussed the stupid things people said and did in college, which
could come back to bite them in the ass later on in life. And I know, Donald
Trump's comments didn't take place when he was in college; they
happened when he was well beyond middle age. He was more than old
enough to not only have known better than to say what he said; it
shouldn't have even occurred to him to say it. But the one vast
similarity Trump had to a young, dumb college student, is that even
at his age, due to money and power, he thought he was invincible. At
that time, after running for President in 2000,
he had no future plans to run for political office.
None of what I've said here excuses
Trump for the disgusting comments he made toward that woman or women
in general. But how many of you have said or done things in your past
that you are not proud of, and that could do similar or even worse
damage to you if you were the one running for political office? Just
because you might have made similarly-disgusting comments in a past
life, it doesn't mean that you can't move past that period and be a
perfectly respectable gentleman, husband, father and leader.
What Trump said in 2005 is inexcusable;
but it is forgivable. And that is between him and God.
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